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GM Like Computer Industry
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine
"I am a mystery wrapped inside of a riddle wrapped inside of an enigma"
Have some time to spare...wanna look at pics...visit: www.psaphotos.com
Two old friends, John and Jeff were sitting together at a party celebrating John's 25th wedding anniversary. John is sitting with his head in his hands, just as depressed as can be while the party went on around him.
Jeff asked him "John, whats wrong with you? This is your party, you should be having a great time with your wife, why are you so glum?"
John looks at him and says, "Do you remember on our fifth wedding anniversary, when I told you that I couldn't stand her and I wanted to kill her? You talked me out of it, you told me if I did it they'd throw me away for twenty years"
"Yes, I remember." said Jeff
"Well, today I'd be a free man."
Told to me by my wife's uncle ... at our wedding reception. what a guy!
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"I am a mystery wrapped inside of a riddle wrapped inside of an enigma"
Have some time to spare...wanna look at pics...visit: www.psaphotos.com
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
"I am a mystery wrapped inside of a riddle wrapped inside of an enigma"
Have some time to spare...wanna look at pics...visit: www.psaphotos.com
The store has become very popular, but there are a few simple rules:
Women may only enter the store ONCE to make a purchase. There are 6 floors, and the attributes of the men for sale on each floor are detailed outside. Although you can choose a man from any floor, once you have entered a particular floor you must make a purchase there. You cannot go back down, except when you exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a lifelong partner. On the first floor the sign outside reads: 'Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord'. She moves on up.
On the next floor the sign reads: 'Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord and love kids'. She keeps going.
The sign outside the third floor reads: 'Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good-looking'. Still she moves on up.
Next she sees the sign: 'Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework'. Excited now, again she proceeds to the next floor.
The sign outside the fifth floor reads: 'Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak'. Although tempted to make her purchase from this floor, she can't wait to see what's available on the sixth.
Reaching for the door-handle to enter the floor area, she notices the sign outside. 'Floor 6 - You are visitor number 4,634,289 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists simply to prove that women are impossible to please.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives Store
just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex and can cook.
The second floor has wives that love sex, can cook, and have large breasts.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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